I don’t think you’re being confrontational, no worries!

You have a point. I think you have to be careful in when you choose to apply somewhat more forced positive thinking — you don’t want to be fake with yourself, or become an uber-Pollyanna. As far as not liking a food, no, I don’t think that’s “all in the head.” I don’t really like carrots, and I’ve tried to like them. That’s legitimate — some things taste pleasing to us, some don’t. I think when it comes to preferences, sure you can argue that there are outside forces, etc, etc, but I think what you were talking about is more along the lines of personal goals — wanting to exercise more, for example. And in that situation, believing that you CAN like it may help you to actually like it.

Here’s a good personal example: I have a roommate who’s really loud. Really. Loud. Kind of spastic at times. But she means well. I would get so stressed out living with her in our small apartment — but the rent is great, so I stay here. The frustration was awful, though. Then I realized one day, I spend SO much time thinking about how frustrating it is, of course I’m going to be super stressed. I realized you know, she’s not that bad. I discovered I was basically making the situation much worse for myself by focusing on it. So I just don’t worry about it now. Sounds simplistic, but I learned in a psychology class that “what you focus on appreciates.” Meaning whatever you devote your mental energy to, that’s what will grow in your life. I think there’s a neurological basis, in that you’re basically priming your brain to see whatever you tell it to see.

Another example: When I studied for the GRE — those vocabulary words! — I suddenly began hearing them all around me, in peoples’ conversations. Did everyone around me suddenly start using GRE words? No. I was just more aware of them because I’d focused on them so much, so my attention grabbed a hold of them — they were on my radar, so I saw (heard) them. If I hadn’t been studying them, chances are I’d hardly have heard them in other peoples’ conversations.

So that’s why I think it’s important to think about the things you want in your life, and to realize that how you think really can impact how you live your life. This isn’t meant to be a cure-all for life’s problems, and I’m not some annoying cheerleader who runs around telling people to smile. I have problems and issues like everyone. But (even though I don’t always follow my own advice!) I know that the way I think is one of my best tools for creating positive change.

Sorry this is soooo long! DR might have more to say, too. (I don’t believe he likes zucchini, for example, so I’m sure he’ll agree that positive thinking won’t change that. But you never know… it might! The more you try something, the more you might like it. Like with music — have you ever heard a song once, thought it was sub-par, then five listens later you’re singing along?)

Emily

Oh, I know it’s physically possible for me to lose more weight. It’s just that it would mean making more changes (eating even less and exercising even more) than I already have, and I’m not sure I’m willing/able to implement them right now.

The way you talk about this, I feel like you’re saying that there isn’t anything that people don’t like, they only THINK they don’t like it. Like, how most people have a food or foods they don’t like. Do you mean they’ve only been made to believe they don’t like it? Can’t people just dislike something because they do, and not because they’ve been made to believe it?

(I promise that I’m not trying to be confrontational, just curious. Just wanted you to know. Tone can be hard to judge online.)

I just…how do you make yourself like something you don’t? Fake it, and then you’ll eventually like it?

I thought I was being original with my Mind Virus catchphrase but apparently Wayne Dyer talks about memes & mind viruses in his book Excuses Begone

One of my other readers emailed me about this book. Don’t know if it’s any good, but I thought you might find in interesting.

Congrats on losing the weight! That’s really an accomplishment.

And not to beat a dead horse, but if you think you’re stuck, weight-wise… you’ll probably get a less desirable result (ie, you will be stuck) than if you believed you ARE able to lose more.

Regarding soreness, I actually don’t mind being a little sore because it’s evidence I worked kind of hard. Conversely, it could mean I overdid it. Are you trying to run too fast, for too long? Exercise doesn’t have to result in soreness. Maybe try different exercises? Stretching afterword is supposed to help, too (supposedly more effective than pre-exercise stretching).

Whatever the case, you CAN enjoy exercise, I believe it!

Good points. I guess one thing that trips me up is being sore. How can anyone actually LIKE to ache and feel sore after they’ve worked out? It seems so masochistic.

And thanks for the support. I’ve already lost about 30 lbs…but time will tell if I’m able to lose any more. I seem pretty firmly entrenched at this point.

You say, “It’s not a belief that I can change, it’s a feeling that’s always going to be there.” and “How does it change? I don’t see myself ever liking sweat and sore muscles.”

First, you *can* change your beliefs. And then your actions will hopefully follow suit. I, for example, believe I eat when I’m stressed. I’m working on realizing that no, I’m actually a healthy eater, and I handle stress fairly well, considering the amount I’m under. If I believe that, my actions will soon support that belief. That’s how our minds work, in a way — whatever you believe, whether it’s factual or not, often becomes reality. (This is how so many people in hospitals, through meditation, positive thinking, etc, recover. Not saying it works in every case, but it has in many.)

Being able to believe you can like exercise is key. The fact that you don’t believe you can change, AND saying you don’t envision yourself ever liking exercise, is going to keep you where you are. Change starts in the mind.

Our beliefs have major influence on our lives. Whatever you decide to believe, good luck!
Emily

True. But the question is, how much of that change from maniac running to sitting down is a “mind virus,” and how much of it is just growing up and maturing and losing that childhood energy? And I’m not sure I was ever an active kid. I don’t remember ever liking to run around.

I’m not convinced that me not liking exercise is a “mind virus,” but let’s say it is. How does it change? I don’t see myself ever liking sweat and sore muscles.

Oh, and I did manage to drag myself to the gym last night. My legs now hate me. Ow ow OW.

I am curious about how much our mind can hold us back. I remember one time in 8th grade during football a friend that could only bench press 145lbs wandered into the room where we had 185lbs on the bar. We told him it was 140lbs as a joke expecting a good laugh as he tried to bench press it….well he didn’t pay attention to the bar or the weights and just pressed it right up with np. We were dumbfounded, we then told him it was 185lbs and counted out the weight, he was then dumbfounded, and he could not press the weight again that year to save his life.

I really believe our mind has a lot of control over outcomes in our lives. After 8th grade I was forced to move to a new state, the high school was at least 5 times larger than the one I was used too as well as being inside a huge city (I had moved from a town of 400 people, went to school in a city with 3000 so it was a huge culture shock), I had left all my friends behind (96 people in my class and we are all mostly friends), I was point blank depressed, stressed, and had little hope it would get better. I put on like 30lbs; I could not seem to fit in with any of the groups at this new school (only groups that wanted me were like….hey, let’s go slash the teacher’s tires! Which was not my type of people), I was basically an outcast. It got to the point where everyone was concerned, so eventually I moved back to my old state and lived with my sister to finish out high school. Within a month of being back in a familiar location and surrounded with friends, I lost that 30lbs and I was not even trying. Heck I could not even workout with the football team or other sports because of a law pertaining to guardianships, so it is not like I was doing anything different with exercise and my sister ate out a lot so my food was most likely even worse than with my parents! It was all stress related weight.

I think I may still be battling that some now as an adult with general life issues; however it is not so easy to figure that part out so it has something I am working on along with exercise, diet, and so forth. It has and contimues to be a journey

-Matt